I want to color...

Okay, Daddy, I want to color a picture. Here you do it for me....
I love to color.
Hmmm, you missed a spot....
Right here....
After "she" was finished she held it up and said, "Look what I did Mommy!" HaHaHaHa! Brent was less than pleased! Hee hee hee!

Hannah is sick again

Hannah has another UTI. She has been having accidents during the day and her nighttime dryness has decreased - again. She hasn't been running a fever but the accidents and other smelly issues were a sure indication this time. She is back on Cipro - I hated giving it to her last time and I'm sure it will be just as unpleasant this time. At least she is in a good mood now - I wonder if I'll be saying the same thing in a few days when I'm forcing a nasty tasting medicine down her throat.

Update: Cipro stinks. It has these little "beads" in it and it burns. I know tonight was "easy" because it was the first dose of 20 but it will get worse. I put "easy" in quotes because she complained about it and spit some out. In the morning we'll have to hold her down to get it in. On top of that she was in the tub and Brandon had to go to the bathroom then all hysteria broke out. "Brandon stinks!" Tears, hysterical crying. Pulled her out dripping down the hall. Still hysterical. Checked her temp and it was 101. She then proceeded to vomit a bit. I feel so bad for her. She fell asleep in about 5 minutes snuggling with me. She isn't allowed to have milk with the Cipro either which is hard because she loves milk. We have to push water with this medication - luckily she likes water.

I'm babbling. I'm just frustrated that this is happening to her again. I'm thinking of calling the urologist and seeing if we can do the VCUG sooner rather than later (her appointment is mid November) I just want these UTI's to stop and her to be healthy.

On another note - Brandon is selling entertainment books for a fund raiser if anyone wants one. I think you can even get ones from different areas not just here in town.

For once...

I'm stealing a question from my sister's blog. Does anybody in my family read this? I know (obviously) that she does. I know that a few people in Brent's family do because they have said something in person and I've had an occasional comment.

Her question was because she wondered how "free" she was to post information. I won't post anymore personal information than is already here. People know my name, my children's names, but not our last name or exactly where we live. I feel fairly safe. If I were to "vent" or use language that I normally wouldn't use would people find out?

I have "vents" about people and situations but I haven't posted here. Not sure that I will. I have a private area for that. I wouldn't want to hurt anyones feelings just because I'm upset or my feelings have been hurt.

This blog's main purpose it to keep family informed in our adoption - especially our children when we do get to go to China and they have to stay here for 2 weeks. I'm not doing this for anyone but them because they will miss us and Brandon especially will want to know what is going on with Sarah. (He told me today he wanted to keep driving and go around the world and pick up Sarah on the way.)

So, if you read do you comment? :)

Mealworm update

So, we pick him (meaning Brandon)up from school and he has a little vial sort of like a film canister only clear with a bit of "stuff" on the bottom. It looks like sawdust. In it are apparently 2 mealworms. One of them is obviously dead (a bit dark by on one end and not moving at all) the other looks like it isn't far behind. I shake the container on it's side to see them better and Brandon has a fit, "Don't do that! You'll kill them and if they die I'll get an F-!" Little does he know that one is already dead and when I point this out to him he says, "I think he is just changing." Into what I don't know but I humor him and say, "maybe". Then I stick the vial in my purse because "they don't like heat" and we are going to Grandma and Papa's to drop the kids off so Brent and I can go out to dinner (alone!). While we are out at dinner we discuss the worms. We decide we should go to the pet store and pick up some that are alive because I can just imagine the fallout when he realizes his worms are indeed dead.

Did you know that you can buy 100 meal worms for about $3? No guarantee that all are alive but at least 2 should be right? Yes, meal worms are used to feed lizards. I know this because Brent had a bearded dragon and used to feed these to it but he kept them in the refrigerator. While we are in line a woman is buying two betas. One because he was really pretty (which I agree - he was a yellow color that I've never seen before) and the other because her grandchildren think their beta is doing "tricks" ie floating on its back and swimming in circles. We (Brent and I) talk with her a bit as she is paying. When it is our turn we tell the cashier we are replacing a pet our child thinks is doing "tricks" as well. She looks at us a bit oddly when we hand her our little container of mealworms. I tell her it is for a school project and she says to keep them alive put them in the refrigerator. I tell her I think they are studying the metamorphosis of these things and she says - give it a potato, they turn into beetles. Oh Joy.

Home we go to hide the evidence. We dump Brandon's container and sure enough Shermie is dead. Wormie is this skinny little thing that hardly moves. We open the container of mealworms we got at the store and it is teaming with life. Gross! The sawdust type material they have put inside is moving ever so slightly as the mealworms warm up - they were refrigerated at the petstore. We pick two out that "resemble" Shermie and Wormie. Don't ask us how we know they resemble them I really just picked out two that were moving and were near the top of the container. I cut a potato piece (about the size of a pea) toss the rest of the potato in the refrigerator because you never know these guys may eat the whole thing this weekend, put the 48 other mealworms on top of the refrigerator because if Shermie2 and Wormie2 bite the dust we want replacements that are at the same point in their cycle (why? I don't know, we must be crazy) and off we go to get the kids from Grandma and Papa's.

I pull out the vial when we get there because Brandon has been telling Papa all about Shermie and Wormie again (remember he saw them yesterday and I'm sure he told them stories then too.) He was so excited that one was moving! Look it is moving! Makes me wonder how often Wormie moved before - hmmmm. He is disappointed that the potato is a regular potato and not a sweet potato because apparently a sweet potato will make the darn things lay eggs (must be magic and I'd be stupid to put one in just in case it is true!) We put them back in my purse and off we go home.

Since we have been home I haven't seen the fellows. I'm sure hoping that when I find the bottle in the morning there are two mealworms in there. I don't want to find out that he took them out to "play". Pray for me.

P.S. To the other Carolyn (yup,two Carolyn's in the same family for those who don't "know" us - this Carolyn is Brent's cousin) I don't think I'm going to tell Brandon about your experiment with the maze - I'm afraid I'll have to look for a box and some cardboard to make him one too. :)

When I bring "them" home...

can I take them out and play with them?

Yesterday after school Brandon was so excited. He talked the whole 15-20 minute drive up to my parents house to pick up Hannah - non-stop talking - about the class science "project".

Mealworms. Two of them. Two months they are going to observe them. For two months he said they are supposed to bring them home on weekends. I haven't done research yet to see what these things turn into - I think beetles if I remember correctly. He wants to make a "house" for them. They like the dark according to his teacher. They don't like the heat. They can't be in the refrigerator. Huh, we used to feed these to Brent's bearded dragon and that's were we kept them, the refrigerator - it slows them down but doesn't kill them. Apparently they will be in oatmeal and we need to put some "food for water" in with them. He said apples and sweet potatoes. Brandon also said that if we feed them sweet potatoes they will lay eggs. (kind of doubt that but haven't done the research) So, guess what he wants to do? Yup, give them sweet potatoes so he can have some mealworms when he has to give these back in two months.

He named them Shermie and Wormie - original. He wanted to know if he could "take them out and play with them." Ummm, no. Not just no, heck no! Those things are to be put on the desk, fed and left alone! I can just see the container being spllled - oatmeal all over, Molly (the cat) eating one or both, them getting "lost". Nope, watch them from the closed container.

Our new pets - mealworms. I'll post a picture tonight when he brings them home.

Brandon's first school project

Brandon's first project is to make a timeline of his life. These are the pictures he chose to use:

The first picture is when Great-Papa holding Brandon. He looks so proud of him (as I am sure he was) I only wish he could have known the boy Brandon is now - he would be even prouder.

The next picture is at Brandon's first birthday party. Look at those cheeks and chins! He was such a little chunky monkey.
This picture was his first visit to Legoland when he was 2. He LOVED it and when we moved to Murrieta we had season passes and went every few months. I love his smile in this picture.
When he was 3 he took hockey lessons - isn't he cute all dressed up in his skates and mask? He really enjoys going to the hockey games here. This is also the year we moved to California.
When he was 4 (almost 5) Hannah was born. This was taken right after I was moved into a room where Brandon could come in and see us. He was so smitten with her - he still is!
When he was 5 we moved to Murrieta and he started kindergarten. What a great year for him! He loved school.
When he was 6 he got a hamster for his birthday. We named her Jingle since his birthday is around Christmas. That poor hamster has been through a lot - Brandon loves to play with her! She has rolled down stairs (accidentally in her ball) and been made to dance. Thank goodness she is sweet and doesn't bite. (P.S. Look at those beautiful eyes!)
And this year he is 7. He learned how to ride his bike this summer. He wants to put his picture of his first day of school this year as well.

"Are you going to ask me if I liked school?"

That was the first question out of his mouth.

Me: So, did you like school?
Brandon: No... I LOVED it!

Thank goodness! He was feeling a bit nauseous this morning due to nerves. Brent took him to school and walked him in to find where he needed to line up. He said Brandon was a little teary. When I picked him up this afternoon he was all smiles and said he didn't mind that Gram is going to just drop him off in the mornings. (She has Hannah and has difficulty carrying her so it is easier for her to drop him off and not have to walk him in.)

Day 1 is over only 179 more to go!

When I turn 80....

...I won't be doing this! Grammie Joyce asked David to take her for a ride on his motorcycle for her birthday which was last week. She had such a great time! She was all smiles when she got off. He took her around the neighborhood after a few circles around the parking lot. I asked her if skydiving was next week - she said NO!

Grammie Joyce is the oldest person in Arizona and New Mexico with a specific type of blood disorder (I can't remember the name of it Alpha something) She has to get transfusions quite frequently (I think once a week - again not sure) and has gotten them since the 80's. Every week she gives the kids rides on her scooter and brings candy for them. Needless to say the kids love her!

It is 1:30 a.m.

why am I still awake? I can't sleep. I'm a little tired but not overly tired. There is nothing on TV. We have nothing recorded for me to watch unless I want to watch Strawberry Shortcake or Transformers. I don't have a book that I want read. I wish it were raining.

I haven't slept great since Kodi disappeared. I like having the security of a dog barking. He would have barked if someone were in the yard but would have licked them if they came in.

I have some pictures I want to download and post - but I don't want to spend the time right now because I have to think of how I want to post the pictures.

10 Do’s and Don’ts for transracially adoptive parents

I found this article from another group and I thought it was pretty interesting. (I took the following from here.)

1) DO love your children.
This may seem like a given, but it isn’t. Your child is a gift and they should FEEL that you believe them to be so. This unconditional and unquestionable love will be the fortification for all the challenges you will face together with your children in the future.

2) DO NOT tell them or make them feel that you “saved” them.
This is a huge mistake some adoptive parents make, one I’ve heard from adoptees time-and-time again. For example, a Korean adoptee once told me that she hated her white parents for telling her that they had saved her from a backward country and from living the rest of her life as a prostitute. Even if these children come from a country that is experiencing a great deal of social and political turmoil, even if they were living in abject poverty before you adopted them, you should never make them feel as if you were on some missionary kick. You are not living out Kiplings’ “White Man’s Burden.”

3) DO accept that racism–both racist love and racist hate–are everywhere
Especially in the United States where race is so tied up in our national history, identity, and consciousness, and you will not be able to understand it much of the time. For example, do not be so naive to think that because the school you are sending your transracially adopted child to is “diverse” that he or she will be accepted. I went to a racially diverse high school and was still referred to as having “chinky eyes” and was given the nickname “Hung Chow.” Also, do not be so condescending to your child that when he or she tells you about a situation of name-calling or teasing or bullying that you respond by saying not to take it to heart or to ignore it or that it’ll pass or those people are ignorant–and that’s it. This ultimately will be retranslated by your child as you don’t understand or are not taking him or her seriously, and it does not arm your child on how to feel whole again.

4) DO recognize when your love is not enough.
Your love will probably not be enough when your child is bullied at school or if he or she is called, for example, a “nigger” or even if other black children call him or her “white.” Your love will be the foundation, yes, but recognize that this is going to set off a whole series of questions centered around identity that you might not be equipped to answer—or that your child won’t even ask you because his or her assumption is that you won’t know. In other words, you have to prepare for a time when race comes between you and your child. It may be that you will have to accept that someone else may be better suited to help your child than you are.

To give you a better idea about what I mean, I offer this short excerpt from Jane Lazarre’s essay “Raising Black Sons: A White Mother’s Meditation.” Although she is the biological mother of her sons, the idea and actuality that they live their lives as members of a different race is applicable to the present discussion. I hope it is illuminating:

“I am black,” Khary explains to me repeatedly during the first year away from home when he has to find and take his place in his own world. . . .
When I say, “I understand,” he tells me carefully, gently, “I don’t think you do, Mom. You can’t understand this completely because you’re white.”
At first, I am stunned, by his vehemence and by his idea. Perhaps even more than most mothers, I have identified with my children. A motherless daughter since early childhood, I have experienced difficulty but also real reparation in mothering myself. Now, standing in the darkened hallway facing my son, I feel exiled from my not-yet-grown child.
What is this whiteness that threatens to separate me from my own son? Why haven’t I seen it lurking, encircling me in some impenetrable fog? I want to say the thing that will be most helpful to him, offer some carefully designed permission for him to discover his own road, even if that means leaving me behind. On the other hand, I want to cry out, “Don’t leave me,” as he cried to me when I walked out of daycare centers, away from babysitters, out of his first classroom in public school.

5) DO arm your children by giving them a strong identity.
This includes exposing them to their native culture, language, and food early on their lives. This means enabling them to have some time and space to be with people from their original culture. In order to do this, you will have to fight off the “You’re in America now” mentality that so many people have—only speak English, Don’t mess with the U.S., etc. This will help—not completely—when they wonder where they come from, who their parents are/were, what would their lives have been like if they had stayed there. These questions will always arise, even to the point where they may want to visit the country or search for their birth family. You have to be prepared for this and be supportive.

6) DO respect your children’s native culture and try to know as much about it as you can.
Why shouldn’t you learn the language? Why shouldn’t you learn to make the dishes? Why shouldn’t you visit the country? Why shouldn’t you learn how to do those hairstyles? You can and you should—your children will find something hypocritical in you saying you love them but then you don’t respect or try to know more about their native culture. But you shouldn’t become fetishistic or seem like an appropriator. It should come from a genuine place of wanting to know your children and where they come from. And this should be done for your children, not to show off to others.

7) DO make yourself and family as much a part of their life as you can.
If you have biological children as well, your adopted children may feel like you favor your “real” children and that they aren’t really considered a part of the family. Every effort should be made for them to feel like your home and your history and your hopes are theirs as well—how you grew up, where your family came from, that their future is your future. Hopefully, you have an extended network of family members and friends who will help them to feel this way too. But this also means that you should be willing and able to step up and protect your children when addressed or treated inappropriately by anyone, including friends and family who may think, for example, that their ethnic jokes are “all in fun.”

8 ) DO NOT think that transracially adopting children will give you a “pass” among any POC communities.
Do not expect POCs to congratulate you or praise you for adopting one of “their children.” And if you do get the praise, humbly deny it. If you want your “generosity” acknowledged, then you adopted for all the wrong reasons—we are talking about children here, not badges of honor. Adoption, like parenting in general, is a selfless responsibility. You should treat it as such. Furthermore, adopting a child from China or Russia or anywhere else does not give you the right to get on your political soapbox and tell folks what needs to be done in their communities, culture, or countries. To do so will just affirm you as part of the continuing problem, and may cause your children to be conflicted, confused, or insecure. You should try to be objective when talking politics or religion in a country and among a culture to which you are an outsider.

9) DO NOT allow your children to feel that you love them and support them out of guilt.
Do not try to make up for the loss of their birth parents or the feeling of rejection that they may feel. Children are children and they will emotionally manipulate you if they can. They may even try to punish you because they cannot punish their birth parents. Therefore, you should try to set boundaries and gain their respect in a way so that you both can maintain your dignity. If they can’t be reached, then you have to know when it’s time to bring in a counselor—when the situation and your relationship are beyond anything you yourself can positively change.

Let me share with you one of the worst stories of transracial adoption I’ve ever heard about. I know of a Korean adoptee who was adopted by a white family when he was 4 or 5 years old. Much of his life, he was angry, bitter, and sad that his birth mother gave him up, and as he recalled what he could remember of his former life, he became very dissatisfied with his new life in an unfamiliar culture. The adoptive white mother, feeling guilty and trying to placate the boy as he grew up, was very permissive with him, and he just took more and more and more—emotionally and financially. Eventually, he engaged in self-destructive behavior, including taking drugs and developing a compulsive gambling habit. He is now in his early 20’s, is in tens-of-thousands of dollars of debt, is dying of full-blown AIDS, and verbally abuses his adoptive mother constantly, laying blame on her for his misery. And all she does now is listen to his screaming, take his anger and blame, and watch as he dies.

10) DO acknowledge all of your own shortcomings, prepare for all the potential and unforeseeable challenges ahead, and offer yourself wholeheartedly to your adopted children.
For parents, too, are a gift—we are not perfect, but we are a gift nevertheless. Do everything in your power for your children—not your neighbor, not the PTA, not the mothers’ group, not the POCs in the park—to accept you as such. Give them the opportunity to love you back.

I leave you with one final story—it’s a happy one. Well, as happy as I can get, but most of all it’s a lesson about receiving and accepting gifts.

My friend, Dan (with whom I perform as part of Asians Misbehavin’), and his wife adopted a little girl from China almost 3 years ago. Because his wife is Chinese American (Dan is Korean American), their application was expedited due to the Chinese government’s priority of placing Chinese children with parents of Chinese descent.

Dan recently wrote and performed a new dramatic monologue in which he describes his and his wife’s journey to China to get their daughter, Melody. He honestly expresses his misgivings at all the white people from America and Europe who are there to adopt Chinese children, and he wonders if international adoption hasn’t become a new form of imperialism with Chinese girls becoming a kind of commodity to be exchanged and objectified. These are his thoughts during the first few days as they and the other families wait to meet their children for the first time.

When the families are given their new child, Dan begins to wonder about the Chinese parents and why they gave up these children–”throw-aways” they seem to be. He observes a little boy and begins to get angry that his birth parents would give him up because he is blind, a “throw-away.” He also notices that many of the girls have cleft palates. He explains that it’s the first time he’s ever seen a cleft palate in real life, and no amount of pictures could have prepared him for the actual sight of a child whose jaw appears missing–of being able to see directly into her mouth when it’s supposed to be closed.

Dan ends his monologue emotionally, his words following one particular white woman as she circles the room carrying a Chinese girl with a cleft palate. With unmistakable joy in her voice, this woman approaches each person in the room and declares,

“Meet my new daughter. She’s perfect.”

Michelle Myers holds a Ph.D. in English from Temple University, specializing in Asian American Literature. She is a founding member of the spoken word poetry group Yellow Rage, which was featured on HBO’s RUSSELL SIMMONS PRESENTS DEF POETRY, and which recently released its second CD: HANDLE WITH CARE, VOL. 2. She is also a founding member of the performance collective Asians Misbehavin’. She is currently an Assistant Professor at Community College of Philadelphia and Grants Coordinator at SEAMAAC (Southeast Asian Mutual Assistance Associations Coalition). Michelle lives in NJ with her husband, Tyrone, and their three children: Myong, Victor, and Vanessa.

Share and Enjoy.

personality test

My sister posted this on her site. I noticed we are both introverted although My scores are higher than hers. We are both sensing. She is thinking and I'm feeling. We are both judging but my scores were higher.

I wonder what that says about me.

Update from our agency 8/8/07

Dear colleague,

Group 122A got referrals recently, 6 of them, average age: 18 months.


Adam

Another week

I started working on Monday. The preschool program starts next Tuesday which is when Brandon starts school. Right now they are still on the summer program so there are 3 year olds up to 12 year olds. We only have 10 kids but it seems like more.

Brandon has open house on Thursday. I think he is nervous starting another new school. We got a letter from his teacher last week but we still haven't heard about the bus schedule. Depending on the schedule he will ride the bus or my mom will take him. I will get off work in plenty of time to pick him up and I'll get off early Wednesday to get him for early release.

It has been 2 weeks since Kodi disappeared. We saw someone else hanging up a sign for a lost dog and Brent made the comment that maybe someone is stealing the dogs. We didn't normally leave him out when we went out so I suppose it is possible. It makes Brandon really sad so we try not to talk about it much. I think after Christmas we may consider getting a new dog but right now we are still holding out that we will find him.

We went to visit some friends last night. One has a baby who is about 8 1/2 months old who looks just like his father.
Hannah and I were talking with him and I said to Hannah, "Do you look like your daddy?"
She said, "No!"
"Who do you look like?" (FYI she looks just like I did at her age)
She says,"I look like Hannah!"
I can almost hear the "Duh, Mommy!" on the end of that one! Can't fool this one!

Brandon has his "meet the teacher" night on Thursday. I'm looking forward to meeting the teacher as well - she is new to the school this year. I can't believe school starts again a week from Tuesday.

Current Predictions

From China Adoption Forecast 12-16-2007 (last month the prediction was 11-25-07 and the month before 11-6-07)

From Wren 2-17-2008 (this one has been the same since I found the site)

I'll put these sites in the links.

I'm thinking we are definitely going to be closer to February for our referral versus this year.

Blogger issues

Every time I post something lately it doesn't come up on the blog until I mess with it for a few minutes. It is becoming very frustrating. I'm going to have to do some research as to why this is happening.

This next batch of referrals came out and there are some really young ones. The sites I've seen had a few 7 month olds (one not even 7 months) a few 8 month olds and a 10 month old. Someone also said there were a few sets of twins and some boys. (Just an FYI - we will likely NOT be referred a boy or twins since that is not what we requested in our letter to the CCAA. Although I jokingly put up to 2 on our immigration papers and as far as the US is concerned we could bring twins home. Still very unlikely because all the papers in China request one little girl.)

November 21

that is the date for this batch of referrals. So, 7 more days down. 53 more to go before they get to January 13. In a day or two I'll check out this site again: http://chinaadoptionforecast.com/ to see what their predictions are for our referral.

Another site that has referral predictions is saying we will probably get ours in February. http://www.curewitz.com/WrenSiteEstimates.htm

I feel like a broken record "I want them to speed up... I want them to speed up... I want them to speed up... I want them to speed up... I want them to speed up..."

Family

would you do anything for your family? For everyone or just some of them?